"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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