Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
