It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
