please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
