doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
