you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish i was in the wii world.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
