Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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