just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
