You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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