Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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