smell my finger.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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