You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
