So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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