dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
