one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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