I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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