I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
