Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
