Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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