Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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