I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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