All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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