Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
