I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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