I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize