Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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