I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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