Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
