Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
