so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
