Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's get the cat blown out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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