he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
