i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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