speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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