SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
