nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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