how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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