fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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