If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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