he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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