Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize