he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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