This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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