At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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