Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
