break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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