If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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