Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
