You're completely useless in the revolution.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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