I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
