Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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