So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
