All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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