Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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