your thong is hanging out like whoa
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
