yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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