based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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