Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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