there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
