I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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