New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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