why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
