I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
