It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
