You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
