I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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