Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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