You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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