I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
