she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
