Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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