Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
