when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
