i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
