fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
