I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
