just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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