saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
