i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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